"A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other." -Pinterest. (Where else haha)
LONG, HONEST AND SERIOUS POST ALERT!!!
I've been reading up a lot on relationship building lately. Last weekend was a real eye opener for how lucky I really am. A friend I work with was having relationship issues, and it brought back memories of when Tim and I broke up twice a couple years into our relationship and how far we've come since then. Tim and I have our differences. We come from completely different backgrounds, have different beliefs, different tastes in a lot of things, and are really the epitome of opposites attract. And it's worked for us for 10+ years.
There are things he does that annoy me and things I do that annoy him. Probably one or two weeks out of the month, I'm relatively normal. I'm able to think clearly about everything, and we always have a ton of fun. After that, my body goes through mood swing after mood swing. I literally will get mad at Tim for waking up earlier than he's "supposed" to because then I don't have as much time to myself in the morning and then later cry over having to take laundry out of the dryer again. Or be annoyed when he tells me I look "fine" for the fiftieth time rather than "beautiful" or if he doesn't help me make dinner. It's such dumb stuff. I get so frustrated with him, so then I (BAD IDEA) start comparing our relationship with others online. Before I know it, I am so mad about everything, I just want to cry and travel. That's always my thought, that I wish I was traveling. Why does he put up with me? Would I put up with someone like me? I don't think so. But he loves me (and he's suuuuuuper patient). I'm sure he's thought about what it would be like if we weren't married at some point in our relationship. I think every spouse has thought that. Have you? I thankfully come to the same conclusion every time: Would I want to live without his snoring, his extreme pervertedness, his nicknames that he so lovingly came up with for me, his constant butt and boob grabs, his obsession of video games, his sweaty clothes after drumming for a couple hours, his introversion and necessity of being at home a lot, his dislike of seafood and most vegetables...etc.???
Absolutely not. Because then I wouldn't get to live my life with the most caring, hard working, funny, handsome, and talented husband, friend, and lover.
Why is it so hard sometimes to see good? It's something I've really been working hard on lately, actually putting thought into our relationship. I can honestly say that if you work on these few things like I did, your relationship will get better; and even if you think your relationship is great, try these things and make it even better:
- I've been putting myself in his shoes. It has made me realize that everything he does working those long days is for us. Tim constantly thinks about how to better our lives and always tries to better himself in his job and his hobbies. I'm working on being a more interested wife: to seriously listen to what he's talking about, even if it's about drumming or computer stuff or video games and it's over my head. I've been trying to understand and remember. What he's telling me is important to him, so it should be important to me, and I should remember it. I also shouldn't be thinking about the many lists of things to do in my head while he's talking to me. Big relationship changer. Listen to your spouse!
- I've put more thought into the romantic part of our relationship. I read this somewhere recently, probably Pinterest, but it said something about how you are the only woman your husband gets to see naked. So let him see you naked! He'll love you no matter what. He doesn't care if you're feeling bloated or you have a pimple on your face or your roots are starting to show. Add a little spice! Change it up! This may be hard to do if your confidence level isn't super high but try to remember that your husband loves seeing you naked and anything extra you add will just make him want you more. And more often. Just sayin'.
- Be the first to say "I'm sorry". Forgive first. Now, I'm not saying I'm the one to blame for every issue in our relationship, there are things Tim also needs to work on; however, I believe if I work on my part, our whole relationship will become better, Tim will be happier, and he'll also want to work on our relationship. We recently took the Five Love Languages quiz, and I highly recommend it for any relationship to see what your significant other's needs are like and how you can help meet them.
- Stop nagging, start praying. Back when Tim and I first met, everything about him made me happy. Even the things that weren't so likable, I didn't care, I was willing to look past it because I was so in love. Why then, when love evolves after so many years, do we think it's easier to nag our spouse into changing rather than just accept them for who they are? We have flaws. And again, this is something I really have to work on. But stop trying to change him, and love him instead. I'm going to start praying for him during those times when I'd prefer to nag him. Not, "Oh God, please help Tim start putting his laundry away", but "God, thank you for my husband", and start that way. It is so important in a relationship to extend grace for those minor annoyances, and I've found it helps me to I calm down when I start to pray.
Marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100. You have to give your everything in your marriage. It takes hard work, and it isn't always fun. But it's worth it. It's so worth it.
